Loss

We lost our elderly, very frail next door neighbor last night.

She stopped breathing at home and despite the efforts of the paramedics, she was gone.

I need to give those wonderful men credit here as they worked for nearly an hour to bring her back to the land of the living.

The neighbors house is a small house and oh so many crowded in.  So many that MIchael and I were not allowed in but when bodies shifted I could see the back of the man doing the CPR and that up and down rythmn for a count of five a pause and he started again.  When they finally gave up and quietly left the house their faces were drawn, eyes sad, as if they had lost a member of their own family.

That was when we were allowed in with a warning that Evelyn... the neighbor... was there on the floor, covered with a sheet. 

She hardly made a bump under that sheet but I was allowed to pull back the sheet to say goodbye.   I did tell her to fly away and promised her I'd take care of those she left behind.  This is the family that did so much for us right after the fire.  I can never repay their kindness and the best I could do was to stroke Evelyn's hair and tell her to fly away.

I was suddenly quiet in that little house.  The grown grandson went and got her blanket and covered her with that so she would be warm.  This hit him hard because he always had his Nan sharing the home with him and his family and knew no time when she wasn' there.  He loved his Nan so fiercely.  He with his tatoos and mohawk and those ear pegs of his, kneeling by her side as he and his mom removed his Nans jewelry.  Then he stopped and slid a ring back on her finger.  It was an eternity ring, I think I heard him say.  A ring to speed her on her way.  Oh how tender he was with that old cool hand as he slipped the ring back on. 

The other brother is in a rehab recovering from a leg operation that left behind 40 plus stitches and staples and so wanted to say goodbye.  I can only hope that his Nan visited him in his dreams last night and gave him that changes. 

But that family is not the only one who loved their Nan.  As we sat with the family waiting for the mortician to arrive the young men in the neighborhood began to arrive.  They were stopped at the door so they would tread on Nan murmured their condolences and left.  These men who I knew as boys were broken, one in tears.  One who I thought would never cry, did.  Evelyn was Nan to all of these boys turned men and they would visit with her as if she were their Nan.

When we finally had gotten a rental home, after the fire and Josh was planning to join us, Evelyn told us that we couldn't have Josh back.  That he was her grandson and was keeping him.  JOsh got that slow smile of his, holding that close to his heart.  I also learned that when Evelyn's daughter would return home from work, she would occasionally find Josh there, just sitting with Evelyn, the two of them watching TV.  My mother wasn't much of a grandmother but he found one in Nan.

When the morticians arrived to take Evelyn away, the grandson at home helped to lift and lower her into the bag and then helped the men carry her out.  Evelyn couldn't have weighed much and the men could have lifted her easily but they said nothing, allowing the grandson to help. 

If, at the funeral we are allowed to speak, I have something I want to share.  It is not about memories or a funny story about Evelyn to lift the spirits but, rather, something she said to me that terrible night of that fire.  For a few moments were were alone in the house, Evelyn turned to me with tears in my eyes and told me that she didn't know what she would do if she didn't have her daughter and son-in-law,  They took care of her, she told me, were so good to her and didn't know what she had done to deserve them.

I know what and why.  She was Nan, their Nan and that, in itself is the legacy she leaves behind.  Nan, Their Nan.  Our Nan.  Everyone's Nan.

FLy away Non.  Join your husband and brother and a certain beagle mix named Cuddles who  will be waiting, tail wagging so fiercely it may just fly off.  Enjoy the peace you so rightly deserve.