Sticky Brain

I don't know about anyone else, but I have a brain that will NOT let go of a thought once said thought infiltrates the dark recesses of said brain.

For instance... I got the notion in my head yesterday that when Michael and I die, Josh and the dogs will have no place to live.  If they find one, will the yard be the size of ours where the dogs can roam all day and come in exhausted at night?

OK.  It's not as if I could do anything about it.  Michael and I are both is good health so this is ridiculous, right?  Tell my head that.  It keeps playing and replaying and replaying the same damned thing till a panic attack sets in and my nerves are jumping.  I don't know how to stop it or why it decided to rear its ugly head.  All I do know is that I hate it when I get like this.

I blame the dogs.... for this endless thought anyway.

Watching the dogs over the weekend, I again marveled at how much they love their lives and the big yard with its various places that can mean so much to a dog.  There's the bamboo jungle, not to mention a stack of cut and dried bamboo that makes such delightful sounds when Kali and Sparky "dance" on it.
Then there's the overgrown part, the mowed part, the hill of dirt for digging, the deck for basking in the sun as well as the driveway for that and the front porch.  There's smells and people walking up and down the street and the dogs across the street and birds and squirrels and places to bury stuff.  The dogs are lean, their coats so shiny you would think we polished them and a doggy door that allows them access to all that yard whenever the mood strikes.  so it's no wonder I wouldn't want them, in their youth to lose all of that.  But why think of that now?

I swear that parts of my brain are controlled by some evil troll that whispers these things over and over making my life unbearable at times.  It's as if this troll does not want me to have a good thought or enjoy something.  I love watching the dogs in the yard and so the troll whispers.  If I'm happy (which isn't often) the troll whispers again and if there is trouble, the troll builds on it till my head is spinning.

I take prozac and that helps somewhat but this troll is strong.  I just have to find some way to be stronger.