I bit the bullet

and downloaded all the stuff we need to get a license. It's gonna cost $1,700! Holy macaroni. I'm letting the husband take care of it. It looks as if we are licenseable so that is good. Now we need that reverse mortgage. Finger and toes ciospdos. Sorry I should uncross the fingers and toes while I'm typing.

So... where's the funny?

Sometimes I think my sense of humor goes on a small vacation, packing its bags and running as fast as its little legs can carry it. Bless its little tiny heart. I wish it would take me with it but it doesn't ask and I hate to push myself on someone or something.

I think funny will be missing from this post, however fact will be taking over.

Life for me seems to be always waiting for something or dreading that something I am looking for. I have little or no patience with that. I want things resolved NOW not later, not tomorrow, now. Otherwise this knot in my stomach will grow even bigger.

We are trying to get a reverse mortgage. All the ducks are in their row and here we sit and wait. A reverse mortgage means we will have NO mortgage payments and I can stop worrying about being homeless and maybe get another dog. I said maybe.

Then I find out we have to be licensed, the office that is. It's a new thing and so I worry will we be apporved. If not we are totally and royally screwed.

Will this foreclosure freeze ever end so we can get more clients.

Will the phone mess be cleared up.

Will i ever FOR GOD"S SAKE stop worrying.

Even worse, I am totally uninspired when it comes to crafting and that makes me want to cry. I still hide out in the craft room because, really, the husband and I spend WAYYYYY too much time together. I haven't even been able to find stuff to poke fun at. I know, never end a sentence with an at.

So... if the great googly moogly out there, fate or the powers that be or whatever you want to call it are listening, PLEASE can we get things moving in the right direction. Because honestly, my head is starting to spin. And the next thing you know I'll be spewing pea soup.

There she goes again

I swear that there is a car commercial on TV that offers a car with power SNEERING.
Hih? Wah? How does a car power sneer? Turns up its nose at the cars around it? Gossips behind their trunks or just swaggers about feeling superior? I'm picturing the Snidely Whiplash of cars, complete with curly ended moustache. I got so busy thinking of sneering cars I never did manage to hear which car bradd it was. I am sure it wasn't the VW Tapeworm. If you are a tapeworm, I imagine that there really isn't much to sneer about.

Yep. I am losing my mind once again.

The husband decided to get a new phone carrier or should I say carriers for the office. Of course I didn't know about this until it was done... or mostly done... or hardly even done though it should have been. Think of a pretzel. That's what this reminds me of. And it is as follows.

We got a new internet service at the office called Clear. I love it, happy with it, thrilled to actually be able to access the internet when I want to. This clear comes with a phone service as well. One line going to one phone. We have three phones in the office, one dedicated to the fax machine and a phone on each of our desks. We have our main number and then a rollover number for when people call while someone is on line one.

No more of that now. That would be efficient and we wouldn't want that. So the clear line is only answerable on Michael's phone.............. or should have been if that guy who signed us up had a clue.

An aside. This guy reminds me of Chris who I wonce worked with at the library. A big hulking guy who loomed over you an giggled incessantly. This Clear guy doesn't giggle but he does loom.

So the Clear guy tells Michael he has to get rid of the phone service into the office before Clear can capture the phone number we have had forever so we can still have it forever. (Picture looming guy, brandishing a chasing after colorful numbers.) This was all to be taken care of this past MOnday. All we managed to accomplish was to have or clients with no clue how to reach us because most of them have lost Michawl's cell phone number. The reason why is quite simple abd SAYS so in BIG LETTERS on the paperwork we got is that we are NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE CANCELLED THE PHONE SERVICE!!! So now we have to get the original service back only to get rid of it again once Clear grabs the number. The way this is going, the net is going to be for me to take me away to that lovely padded room.

And me? I have Magic Jack on my phone which means I have my own separate number and Michale can't answer my phone when it rings unless he gets up. I can't remember my cell phone number how am I going to remember the magic one? It gets even better... Michael now has a TEMPORARY number from clear to add, yet another number, to the mix.

Now here comes a cautionary tale for those husbands who suffer from the uh huhs. They are easy to spot. Their wives are earnestly telling them something and the husband's head is nodding and he's mumbling uh huh, uh huh, figuring he's placating wifey and doesn't have to listen. LISTEN TO YOUR WIVES, THEY MAY HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY!!!!!!!

When I first heard about this phone change, after it was already in the works of course, I asked a few simple questions like "Are you out of your flaking mind?" and would both lines be able to be answered on both lines? Will we have voice mail? Can we put our own message on our voice mail.... you get the idea. I got the uh huhs.

So lurking Clear guy is here and flapping around the office using technical terms, some I swear he made up. I hid out in the bathroom and when I rejoined the circus in the office Michael and lurking Clear guy look like someone had just knocked their heads together because they just realised that...... well... i bet you know where this is going. My phone will only pick up Magic Jack and Michaels will only pick up Clear and thank god they left the fax line alone. DUH! I figured that much out myself.

Now we're talking about wireless phones versus programable phones versus tin cans with string. Personally I'm ready to go the tin can route.

Oh and the lurking clear guy had to go back to his shop (within walking distance) because our office computers are so old and slow that whatever he brought over to do whatever to the computers wouldn't work. So the computers are old, so am I and there is no way in hell we are updating our systems through this guy.

Yes this switch will save us a great deal of money in the long run but it's these stumbles and ankle turnings now that are sucking up my patience.

And while I'm on a phone rant, the evil voodoo homeless woman who used to work with Michael and who still has a phone that Michael has been paying for all this time has used up so many peak minutes that we are now over our limit and charged 10cents a minute for each. She has used 89% and we have 5 phones on that account. God. She's like a bed bug... there just is no way od getting rid of her.

Ok, I'm folding up my soapbox and going home.


That being said. I wonder if a soap box was ever really strong enough for someone to stand on.

I SAID SO!

We had a new client come in today. No sooner had she set herself down that she asked if there were any recorded haunted places in the area. I told her I knew of one but it was a private home and then I told her about the voices. Well... seems she's psychic and all she would say is that it was weird in here.

SEE SEE SEE SEE SEE

I am right and Rocco was right, there IS something in this building. Ha!

I love being proved right.

Some humor....maybe

OK. This is about the husband, AKA the Old Pooh, Captain Underpants, Jerry Garcia and The Old Fart.

This is a man who gained world wide fame when he burst into the computer room at home, wearing only his underpants and a towel around his neck claiming he was CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS. Ok, so maybe you had to be there, or, better yet, count yourself lucky that you weren't. He's also the man who was known as "Jerry" to my son's high school band, way back when, for the husband's resemblnce to Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead. I'm assuming before Garcia died and not after. In fact, during an annual car wash, some kid suggested they paint up a sign about having your car washed by Jerry Garcia and have the husband there doing the washing. The kids all claimed they would make a fortune. Either that or they just wanted to sucker someone to do all the work.

So as you can guess, little embarrasses the husband.

The other night Gunsmoke came on. I'm usually in the craft room at this time but, for some reason I was still in the living room when this came on

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsU6nbgyR3o

The husband immediately leaped to his feet, his finger cocked in a gun shape, hand hanging by his side and then whammoooooo.... he tried to out draw Matt Dillion. Aparently he does this quite often as well as singing along with every western that actually has words in its theme song.

I have to tell you, I just sat there an goggled at him. He was so focused, so mesmerised and totally oblivious of the fact that he is older than dirt and was standing there in his jammies. I think the Captain Underpants part of him has retired.

Now before you think I am heartless by poking fun at him, you have to know that I got his permission.

However I do draw the line with him hanging out with Chester or Festus or Miss Kitty who really should have told Matt, a long time ago to fish or cut bait.

I wonder where I can get him a grownup toy gun and holster set. I kid's set would never fit around his middle. I think I need to google.