I was reading an old blog of mine and thought how much better it is than this one. The other one was light hearted and fun while this one seems to be a doom and gloom. I suppose my outlook has changed that much and it is a shame. So what do I do about it? How do I get my version of lighthearted back?
Now I've never been a jolly person. I used to crack the people up at the library but that wasn't me but the crazy library lady. Now I only work with the husband and see few people outside of him. I'm not blaming him, well not exactly, but maybe if I was allowed to talk some, I'd get my use of language back but it is hard to want to talk when someone finishes your sentence (usually wrongly) or interrupts or just ignores you. When I do get to talk, I try to spit the words out so fast that I trip over my tounge and the words disappear.So I don't talk and I no longer write and, I guess, my heart has grown heavy.
It's as if I'm on some cosmic list that says I am not allowed to be light hearted or even happy and if happy does try to creep in.....WHAM! It's squashed flat.
Take, for instance, Rusty, the dog who I thought would be mine last Friday, only the Rusty lady said the gate to the driveway had to be replaced first and .. well.. still no gate. Or the puppies I see on craigslist which require either a boat load of money or an adoption application that I just cannot tackle. I used to be smart, you see but now, well, I guess as I've lost my teeth my intelligence has fallen out as well.
What do I do now? Do I keep on with the blog the way it is driving away my few readers? Do I give up a blog altogether? Do I start over?
I once made Michael a promise I now wish I had never made, but I DO keep my promises and so..........
To my readers, I'm sorry. I'd say I'd try to do better but what if this is my best?
My best. my best.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Oh crap, not again
I do wish the Cosmos or the Powers That Be or the Great Whoever would stop messing with me and leave me alone.
I tried, I really truly tried to ignore those numbers that keep popping up. I tried to not notice that is isn't just the 11:11's this time but 12:12 and 2:222 and the like.
But there is NO WAY to ignore the winged things.... IN MY CRAFT ROOM! RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE!!! One night it was a moth. Ok. We get an occasional moth but the lightning bug? Yes ladies and gentlemen a lightning bug, full lighted butt and all.
Doing his lightning bug dance around my head and shaking his glowing booty.
nononononononono
I am in no state to lose anyone else be it furred or not!!! i don't want to be singled out unless the whatever come with a note telling me EXACTLY what I must prepare for.
As if that wasn't bad enough, now I am seeing things out of the corner of my eye. This happens to me now and again when I think I see something scurrying past only there is nothing to scurry. Usually when this happens it means whatever psychic gifts I have are ramping up for a great be HELLO! I wouldn't mind so much if I could pick lotto numbers but it is usually something stupid like where I left my car keys or the like. For awhile there I was really good at finding lost things but then the power fades and I'm as close to normal as I will ever get.
So here I am dealing with paint the house and repair all repairs that have been ignored since who knows when, to will something screw up settlement, to will business ever pick up again, to where in god's name am I going to find a puppy for Josh's birthday and why do I have to pick it out, to I can't craft worth a crap unless you count me drooling on a doodle and smearing it.
And now, today, at lunch.... the fork.
We went to a pizza place, the kind where you serve yourself and has their utensils prewrapped in a napkin. The husband ordered while I grabbed the bundles and found us a booth. Husband comes and sits awhile, then goes up to the counter to wait because the place is becoming noisey and when he comes pack with the pizza, his fork is gone.
He had opened his napkin, the knife is still there but the fork is gone. I hadn't left the booth, no one passed the booth, the fork wan;t on the table or under it or in a crack in the seat or on the window ledge or under the pizza or over the pizza. The freakin fork was gone!
What the hell is THAT supposed to mean. Is it the great cosmos, Powers That Be yada yada yada's way of simply saying to me....fork you.
Undoubtedly.
I tried, I really truly tried to ignore those numbers that keep popping up. I tried to not notice that is isn't just the 11:11's this time but 12:12 and 2:222 and the like.
But there is NO WAY to ignore the winged things.... IN MY CRAFT ROOM! RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE!!! One night it was a moth. Ok. We get an occasional moth but the lightning bug? Yes ladies and gentlemen a lightning bug, full lighted butt and all.
Doing his lightning bug dance around my head and shaking his glowing booty.
nononononononono
I am in no state to lose anyone else be it furred or not!!! i don't want to be singled out unless the whatever come with a note telling me EXACTLY what I must prepare for.
As if that wasn't bad enough, now I am seeing things out of the corner of my eye. This happens to me now and again when I think I see something scurrying past only there is nothing to scurry. Usually when this happens it means whatever psychic gifts I have are ramping up for a great be HELLO! I wouldn't mind so much if I could pick lotto numbers but it is usually something stupid like where I left my car keys or the like. For awhile there I was really good at finding lost things but then the power fades and I'm as close to normal as I will ever get.
So here I am dealing with paint the house and repair all repairs that have been ignored since who knows when, to will something screw up settlement, to will business ever pick up again, to where in god's name am I going to find a puppy for Josh's birthday and why do I have to pick it out, to I can't craft worth a crap unless you count me drooling on a doodle and smearing it.
And now, today, at lunch.... the fork.
We went to a pizza place, the kind where you serve yourself and has their utensils prewrapped in a napkin. The husband ordered while I grabbed the bundles and found us a booth. Husband comes and sits awhile, then goes up to the counter to wait because the place is becoming noisey and when he comes pack with the pizza, his fork is gone.
He had opened his napkin, the knife is still there but the fork is gone. I hadn't left the booth, no one passed the booth, the fork wan;t on the table or under it or in a crack in the seat or on the window ledge or under the pizza or over the pizza. The freakin fork was gone!
What the hell is THAT supposed to mean. Is it the great cosmos, Powers That Be yada yada yada's way of simply saying to me....fork you.
Undoubtedly.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Treasure Hunt
The sons have now officially split the basement in two, with a real wall instead of piled up dressers and wardrobes. This now means that they have a bit more room and that a lot of the stuff that had separated the room, needs to go. As we dig through dressers and wardrobes we are finding all kinds of treasures: Josh's two dozen Star Trek etc T-Shirts, my 4 seasons polymer clay totems that I had been looking for, more books than should be legal, vinyl records, Kids' school pictures (the early years), some bisgue to be painted and BART!
When Josh was young and cabbage Patch Kids the latest craze. I made both Josh and Casey a doll. They came as a kit, vinyl head, clothe body that I had to soft sculpt, stuff and attach to the head. josh named his Bart, Casey named his Barty. They wore new born sized clothes and had to go everywhere the boys went. The boys even had strollers for the dolls, pink ones unfortunately because the stroller just didn't come in any other color. The boys would get oddlooks from passersby when we went to the Mall. I suppose little boys weren't supposed to push strollers, but we didn't care.
One way I did notice that the boys played with the dolls that was different from the way I played with dolls is that Bart and Barty were just pals. Usually naked pals but that's because the boys liked to be in the altogether and why shouldn't their buddies do the same. When we all went out, then Bart and Barty were brought to me for me to dress, complete with sweaters or coats etc. When we took the boys to see Sesame Street Live in Baltimore, ernie and Bert came Along with Bart & Barty. I got to carry Bert and ernie while Josh carried bart on his shoulders, very much the way their father used to carry them. This time the looks Josh got was more in the 'oh my god isn't that cute' mode instad of what the heck is a BOY doing with a doll mode.
We recycled the books, threw out old Christmas wrapping and such, tucked my pewter ban animals away and will package Bart and Barty away very carefully. After all, they are part of the family.
I wonder what treasures will be found tonight.
When Josh was young and cabbage Patch Kids the latest craze. I made both Josh and Casey a doll. They came as a kit, vinyl head, clothe body that I had to soft sculpt, stuff and attach to the head. josh named his Bart, Casey named his Barty. They wore new born sized clothes and had to go everywhere the boys went. The boys even had strollers for the dolls, pink ones unfortunately because the stroller just didn't come in any other color. The boys would get oddlooks from passersby when we went to the Mall. I suppose little boys weren't supposed to push strollers, but we didn't care.
One way I did notice that the boys played with the dolls that was different from the way I played with dolls is that Bart and Barty were just pals. Usually naked pals but that's because the boys liked to be in the altogether and why shouldn't their buddies do the same. When we all went out, then Bart and Barty were brought to me for me to dress, complete with sweaters or coats etc. When we took the boys to see Sesame Street Live in Baltimore, ernie and Bert came Along with Bart & Barty. I got to carry Bert and ernie while Josh carried bart on his shoulders, very much the way their father used to carry them. This time the looks Josh got was more in the 'oh my god isn't that cute' mode instad of what the heck is a BOY doing with a doll mode.
We recycled the books, threw out old Christmas wrapping and such, tucked my pewter ban animals away and will package Bart and Barty away very carefully. After all, they are part of the family.
I wonder what treasures will be found tonight.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Love bites
We had Ollie put to sleep early this afternoon. I am crushed, devastated, my glasses so blurred with tears that I can hardly see.
What can I say about Ollie? What can't I say about Ollie?
When he was new to us and just a puppy the size of a guinea pig, I yelled at him for something. He gave me a look, scooted over to my shoe and shit in my shoe. Then he looked me in the eye, hmumpffed at me and walked away. I never yelled at him after that.
Whenever I came home, he always had to bring me something, a sock, a toy, a stick. I don't know what I'm going to do now when I need sticks without a little dog to bring them to me.
Ollie was always patient with me, always willing to listen to me, always making me laugh. He may have been small but he didn't know that. He would swagger about the yard lifting a leg here and there to deposit his scent, or show his teeth to Rocco when Rocco tried to make the moves on Ollie's chews. Ollie put up with Rocco pulling the squeakies out of all his squeakies and had taken to hiding them all around the house and the yard. Since it's grass cutting season, Michael has been finding the squeakies and bringing them into the house for Ollie. Ollie would give us one of those long suffering sighs of his, take the squeaky outside and find a new hiding place for it. We have found squeakies and bones in the most unusual places such as my shoe, by purse, the laundry basket and under the pillows on Josh's bed. No doubt we will be finding them for some time.
What breaks my heart most of all is Josh. Ollie was his, a Christmas gift from friends when Josh was a senior in High School. Josh adored Ollie and Ollie adored Josh back. Last night I overheard josh talking to Ollie. Ollie was sprawled on his pillow and Josh down on his hands and knees, his face close to Ollie's. Josh was telling Ollie that if it was his time to go, that he could go and that Josh would take care of me. That Mommy would be alright, and Josh would see to it. Today, after the deed was done and the hole dug in the back yard, Josh came to get Ollie, wrapped in his towel. He so tenderly brushed the leaves and twigs off the towel and murmured to the bundle, "let me clean this off for you , buddy, but you always did like to get dirty. Ollie was notorious for running through puddles, the goopier the better, or playing in the snow till his coat was so filled with snowballs he could be considered a deadly weapon.
Ollie loved frozen meatballs and head rubs. chicken jerkey and blue cheese, or any cheese. He patrolled the yard each morning, his circuit taking him through the bamboo and under bushes, and around the pool. It used to be Mutley, Ollie and Pip the cat/ Then it was Ollie and Rocco and Pip, then Ollie and Rocco, then Ollie and now no one will traverse the bamboo on the lookout for woodchucks and other critters.
Ollie was such a little dog but he was such a big personality. I don't know how I am going to make it without him.
If there is one bright spot in this whole thing, it's that he's with Rocco now. I can see it in my mind. Here comes Ollie all piss and vinegar starting over that rainbow bridge marking his territory as he goes. Rocco spots him, stops, stares quizzically, head tilted to the right and then the left and then his wrinkled forehead clears and his big goofy Rocco face splits into a grin and there he goes, galloping over the rainbow bridge, his funny ears flapping. He reaches Ollie, they touch noses and Rocco starts dancing in circles around him. Ollie gives that world weary look of his, the look older brother get when dealing with annoying little brothers but Ollie's tail starts to wag faster and fater and soon they are racing over that bridge dancing through puddles and scrabling through bamboo and neither will be lonely for the other any more. My boys. One big, one small, forever together...brothers.
What can I say about Ollie? What can't I say about Ollie?
When he was new to us and just a puppy the size of a guinea pig, I yelled at him for something. He gave me a look, scooted over to my shoe and shit in my shoe. Then he looked me in the eye, hmumpffed at me and walked away. I never yelled at him after that.
Whenever I came home, he always had to bring me something, a sock, a toy, a stick. I don't know what I'm going to do now when I need sticks without a little dog to bring them to me.
Ollie was always patient with me, always willing to listen to me, always making me laugh. He may have been small but he didn't know that. He would swagger about the yard lifting a leg here and there to deposit his scent, or show his teeth to Rocco when Rocco tried to make the moves on Ollie's chews. Ollie put up with Rocco pulling the squeakies out of all his squeakies and had taken to hiding them all around the house and the yard. Since it's grass cutting season, Michael has been finding the squeakies and bringing them into the house for Ollie. Ollie would give us one of those long suffering sighs of his, take the squeaky outside and find a new hiding place for it. We have found squeakies and bones in the most unusual places such as my shoe, by purse, the laundry basket and under the pillows on Josh's bed. No doubt we will be finding them for some time.
What breaks my heart most of all is Josh. Ollie was his, a Christmas gift from friends when Josh was a senior in High School. Josh adored Ollie and Ollie adored Josh back. Last night I overheard josh talking to Ollie. Ollie was sprawled on his pillow and Josh down on his hands and knees, his face close to Ollie's. Josh was telling Ollie that if it was his time to go, that he could go and that Josh would take care of me. That Mommy would be alright, and Josh would see to it. Today, after the deed was done and the hole dug in the back yard, Josh came to get Ollie, wrapped in his towel. He so tenderly brushed the leaves and twigs off the towel and murmured to the bundle, "let me clean this off for you , buddy, but you always did like to get dirty. Ollie was notorious for running through puddles, the goopier the better, or playing in the snow till his coat was so filled with snowballs he could be considered a deadly weapon.
Ollie loved frozen meatballs and head rubs. chicken jerkey and blue cheese, or any cheese. He patrolled the yard each morning, his circuit taking him through the bamboo and under bushes, and around the pool. It used to be Mutley, Ollie and Pip the cat/ Then it was Ollie and Rocco and Pip, then Ollie and Rocco, then Ollie and now no one will traverse the bamboo on the lookout for woodchucks and other critters.
Ollie was such a little dog but he was such a big personality. I don't know how I am going to make it without him.
If there is one bright spot in this whole thing, it's that he's with Rocco now. I can see it in my mind. Here comes Ollie all piss and vinegar starting over that rainbow bridge marking his territory as he goes. Rocco spots him, stops, stares quizzically, head tilted to the right and then the left and then his wrinkled forehead clears and his big goofy Rocco face splits into a grin and there he goes, galloping over the rainbow bridge, his funny ears flapping. He reaches Ollie, they touch noses and Rocco starts dancing in circles around him. Ollie gives that world weary look of his, the look older brother get when dealing with annoying little brothers but Ollie's tail starts to wag faster and fater and soon they are racing over that bridge dancing through puddles and scrabling through bamboo and neither will be lonely for the other any more. My boys. One big, one small, forever together...brothers.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Dancing Angels and what nots
I have this cool plexiglass shelving whatever on my desk at work. I originally found it in a thrift shop, knew it would be useful but dag nabbit, never DID find a good use for it. Till one day I saw the clutter on my work desk and TA DAH I found a use for it.
So there it sits, its cubby holes filled and all along the top are the doo dads and gimcracks that make me smile.
Starting left to right is a large wood jasper angel, next comes the smaller red aventurine angel , a tiny opalite pig, a larger than the pig but smaller than the other two angels, angel.
I have a faux netsuke of a girls carrying a bundle on her back. It's some kind bone or something. Her partner is a kneeling guy made of jade. Next comes the blown glass humming bird in flight over some morning glories (this was $1 at Walgreens at Christmas),then a dog netsuke made of boxwood, a trio of pigs, another dog figurine made of who knows what but it reminds me of Rocco, an opalite dog, yellow jade rabbit, black big with an ear of corn, aqua glass god, a white cats' eye ram, a red ox, a pair of salt an peper shakers of cats with accordians, one of my mini poly clay owls, and even smaller wooden carved owl and on the end one of my bigger polyclay angels.
I have quite a collection. Now each day I place them nice and straight facing out at me and each morning I come in to find that they have all moved. Not much usually but this morning the angels especially were facing every which way. Some of the others were turned slightly but these angels looked like they had been dancing the jig all night long. I don't know what's moving them. The mouse we once had is long gone.... I've left out a peanut butter cup for weeks now that remains untouched.
They must party every night once we're gone for the day and just forget to get back into their positions the next morning. Either that or the voices in the office come out to play. No matter which it is, I want to know why I wasn't invited. I don't dance well but I'm certain I could boogie as well as something made of stone.
I've lined them all up again right now and I'm curious to see what tomorrow brings.
BTW, none of my crew cost me more than $1.00 on ebay (plus free shipping). I'm hoping to add a turquoise dodo to the ranks and I've made some odd polymer clay people like things that will go so well, once I remember to glaze them and actually bring them in.
Now that my flight of fancy is over, I'll land and get back to work.
So there it sits, its cubby holes filled and all along the top are the doo dads and gimcracks that make me smile.
Starting left to right is a large wood jasper angel, next comes the smaller red aventurine angel , a tiny opalite pig, a larger than the pig but smaller than the other two angels, angel.
I have a faux netsuke of a girls carrying a bundle on her back. It's some kind bone or something. Her partner is a kneeling guy made of jade. Next comes the blown glass humming bird in flight over some morning glories (this was $1 at Walgreens at Christmas),then a dog netsuke made of boxwood, a trio of pigs, another dog figurine made of who knows what but it reminds me of Rocco, an opalite dog, yellow jade rabbit, black big with an ear of corn, aqua glass god, a white cats' eye ram, a red ox, a pair of salt an peper shakers of cats with accordians, one of my mini poly clay owls, and even smaller wooden carved owl and on the end one of my bigger polyclay angels.
I have quite a collection. Now each day I place them nice and straight facing out at me and each morning I come in to find that they have all moved. Not much usually but this morning the angels especially were facing every which way. Some of the others were turned slightly but these angels looked like they had been dancing the jig all night long. I don't know what's moving them. The mouse we once had is long gone.... I've left out a peanut butter cup for weeks now that remains untouched.
They must party every night once we're gone for the day and just forget to get back into their positions the next morning. Either that or the voices in the office come out to play. No matter which it is, I want to know why I wasn't invited. I don't dance well but I'm certain I could boogie as well as something made of stone.
I've lined them all up again right now and I'm curious to see what tomorrow brings.
BTW, none of my crew cost me more than $1.00 on ebay (plus free shipping). I'm hoping to add a turquoise dodo to the ranks and I've made some odd polymer clay people like things that will go so well, once I remember to glaze them and actually bring them in.
Now that my flight of fancy is over, I'll land and get back to work.
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