I Know

I know I whined and moaned about wanting to go back home.  I couldn't wait.  Was impatient and antsy all in one and now that I'm home I wonder when it will start feeling like home.  Right now I'm getting that rental vibe.  Maybe because I don't have much to put on the walls and they look so bare.  Or, maybe, because it is so clean and clutter free.  Well, for me clutter free.  Right now I have things that need to be put away but nothing to put them in but I should be getting my IKEA stuff soon.

Having been in the house for so long, almost 30 years, there was a real mish mosh look to what I fondly referred to as decoratig.  There was no rhyme or reason, nothing matched stuff I made was everywhere.  Now I find myself matching stuff and I wonder if I'm channeling the Stepford neighbors from the rental house. 

For instance... my bedroom is a pale moss green.  My sheets match the walls, the comforter on top has a white background with a loose stylized leaf design.  Some leaves match the walls other are beige to match the floor.  The woodwork is white, as if the book case and the dresser will be white as well.  I found matching green valances at the dollar store and these crazy vines with fuzzy green leaves, clear crystals and a hint of lavender.  I obught myself a table at pier one to use as a night stand with a clear top and the base is metal branches with leaves and a small bird perched on one branch. I'm even getting a white decal to use as a head board that carries through the leaf and branch theme.   I'm starting to scare myself.  I never had anything match anything before and now I find myself bothered by the fact that one bath mat in the bathroom doesn't match the other rug by the sink and the towels.  Heaven forfend!!! I think I need to go lie down.

The best next door neighbor in the world gave me some cute ceramics that will grace the top of my cabinets, now that I have a stepstool, only the tops of the cabinets are recessed and I now need to find a slat of wood or something to raise them so I can enjoy the look of them.  I have put some of my polymer clay people I saved as well a a few smaller knick knacks on the kitchen windowsill and JOsh actually told me that he liked the way I was decorating the kitchen.  I guess my little clay people are a reminder of home how it used to be. 

Meanwhile the dogs are having a pisser of a time in the yard.  The deck is coming along but the rain has stiopped work on that..

Speaking of work.  The workmen I have encountered during this take as much pride in their work as they would if they were building their own home and not one for a stranger.  I've noticed little touches like a soap dispenser in the kitchen sink, the pull down lights over the breakfast bar, the marvelous sump pump.  I know we all hear of horror stories about contractors but I am thrilled with my guys and the job they are doing.  So, I suppose all around I did get lucky.

Now if Michael has the same luck at court tomorrow all will be well.

That's it for As the Head Whirls.

Lordy, Lordy, Lordy

I am so tired I could sleep forever and a day.  Rip Van Winkle shove over.

I thought once we were back home thingz would settle down.  Who would have imagined that there would still be so much to do, even without owning practically nothing?  We are slowly making our way to the finish line but it's anyone's guess if I'll be awake to see the finish line.

The furniture rental people are picking up the rental furniture today... nearly now, in fact.
The cleaning service is coming in tomorrow late afternoon to clean.
Big TV and freezer are being delivered tomorrow as well.
Wednesday is walk through of the house we left.

Meanwhile not only do we need drapes but shades on the windows would be nice.  Only I'd be the one stuck putting them up and  I am a wonder with a hammer.  Such as... I wonder why anyone trusted me with a hammer and I wonder if anyone will notice the 45 degree angle and I wonder fi we really need these damned things at all.  Right now I'm using poster board as a rudimentary shutter

I'm waiting on a delivery of furniture from IKEA.  It would be good to have something to put my underwear in other than tote bags from Michaels.  I'm using the one with the zebra print.

We need to go grocery shopping.  We need to put a tv stand together for tomorrows big TV arrival. I need to sort the craft room once I get the furniture... and the husband wants to go away for a few days next week so we can recoup from the move.  WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I want to go away as much as I want my neighbors to see me in the altogether as I climb out of the tub.  I wonder how fast I can clone myself.

Oh and with all of this I need to put in some extra hours at the business to catch up onthe days I missed last week.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the guys are working steadily on the deck and the siding also gets done this week.  I had to make some serious decisions as to where to put the deck steps and where did I want the left over dirt shoveled.  Right now I'm thinking to move the pile out of the drive way but make another pile somewhere and leave it for the dogs because Charlie does so love sitting on it surveying his kingdom.  Inside there are a few things that need to be touched up and that should be that... till the lanscapers come to tackle the bamboo jungle in the backyard.

and  yet

I LOVE MY NEW HOUSE!!!!!

Yes, it's small but it is so clean and uncluttered and it's home.

The dogs are thrilled.  I think Kali grinned for the first week and charlie spends the majority of his time outside. A doggy door will be installed in the basement outside door so the dogs can let themselves in and out to their hearts' content.  Charlie has also spent the past two days barking.  Not at anything in particular but simply because I'm not telling him to shush.  We tried to keep them fairly quiet at the rental and now he can let it rip.  I figure by Thursday he should be all barked out.

I;'ve also managed to put up a few touches to make the place mine.  Wall stickers and this twiny branchy things I found at Michael's for 79cents... original price $7.99.  The branchy things have a new home above the bedroom windows and the decals are in the craft room, kitchen and at the end of the hallway.  That decal was sujpposed to go into the bedroom but I didn't like it there and it looks so much better where it is.  the builder even thought I had painted it there.  Nope wall sticker... on ebay... free shipping under $5.  But my favorite decal is a little blue fairy door ( from wilson graphics on Etsy) that is tucked away at the bottom of a wall, all ready for the fairies, or Borrowers or Gremlins BECAUSE even with the fire home still has its quirky whatevers that love to keep me guessing and fiddle with teh gravity in the craft room.

I have a solar powered dancing hula girl in my garden window.  I have her facing me and she shakes her hips all day long.  When it gets dark, she stops and not even overhead lights can stir her.  So why, for the past three mornings I find her sideways.  (no the remaining cat does not get into that window)  I straighten her out each evening before I go to bed and first thing in the morning there she is, sideways.  Sort of a cosmic gotcha I suppose.  It does, however tell me I am at home.

I did buy a new camera and I will be taking pics but I want to wait till all is settled and I'm no longer hobbling around like a crazy woman.

There is some good to all of this.  I find myself doing a lot less craft shopping.  First of all I got some wonderful craft goodies from friends but now I find myself looking at something that I MIGHT use SOMETIME and say no thanks.  Me!  Me who used to have the girls that came to thehouse to visit my sons SHOP in my craft room is now saying thank you but I do not need more.  Except for Halloween ephemera because I lost my second Halloween glue book in the fire and I want to try and replace it.  But even with that, I think I have enough.  Who woulda thunk it.

So I guess we won't be seeing me on an episode of Hoarders.

And that's it for this episode of... As the Head Whirls. 

Sometimes my heart just hurts.

Read on Facebook this morning that my youngest (almost 30) vomited blood this morning. I called him immediately but only got voice mail and when I opened my hotmail, he had emailed me. I haven't heard anything since and my mind is racing to the point where I now have a headache.

Double digits and winged things have been showing up AGAIN and no matter how I try to ignore it, there it is. I had wondered what more could happen given the fire and all, and I was only being silly because how can numbers and winged things hurt you? Now this. It may be nothing serious but my brain always takes me to the deepest darkest place first and I have to scratch and claw my way back to the light. Right now all I can do is pray.

Then, as we were leaving the house this morning, a truck came barrelling down the street and the dogs shot across the lawn to chase it to the edge of the property. It wasn't dangerous since the dogs were and remained in the yard, behind a fence and not in the road. I had never seen them do that before and I swear I saw a small white dog head bobbing along beside them.
Little dog Olli (remember him) loved to chase any and everything that way. He put his heart and soul into it and ran for all he was worth his little head bobbing along as if to say.. I know I can... I know I can. My heart twisted as it always does when I think of my Ollie. I was always amazed at how much love such a little body could hold.

Casey has the heart of an Ollie. He's the softest touch I know. For instance..... When he was buying a house, he wanted one big enough so that he would have a spare room in case one of his friends needed a place to crash till they got back on their feet. When he lived at home, he was always bringing home stray people who shared his tiny personal space. Now, he stops whenever he sees a motorist in distress to see what he can do. Once, when we were on vacation and he was nearly grown, I noticed he was no longer with his father and I and his girlfriend. When I looked back Casey was standing stock still in the middle of the Boardwalk watching someone. It seems that he had seen a couple quarreling and didn't like the way it was going. When the guy suddenly grabbed the girl by the arm and started dragging her down a ramp and onto a street, Casey was on the move following. The girl swore she was ok, that it was only an argument but I wonder how many people would have done what Casey did... other than his father that is, who followed Casey when I told Michael what was going on.

My earliest memory of Casey's generosity is when he was in early elementary school. I bought them those fancy pencils that, at the time, could only be gotten at school supply stores ( no dolalr stores then) and cost a fair bit. Every day Casey took a new one till I finally out a stop to it and told him he could have only one new one each week and if he lost it then he would take a regular ordinary pencil. That same day he comes home AGAin without his fancy pencil and just as I was about to blow up at him he told me the reason he didn't have the pencil. There was a boy in his class who couldn't behave if his life depended on it and that day this boy had behaved, mostly, so Casey thought he deserved a prize and there went the pencil.

Casey is not perfect. No one is and he and I have had our ups and downs. Lately it's been mostly downs and while those downs hurt my heart I know how good he fundamentally is and how he wants to be loved and how much I do love him.

So now I can only hope and pray that he is ok and I can give him a big fat kiss and he can pat me on the head and call me his "Little Mommy."

Get well Casey.

Oddz Bodkinzville

WE ARE HOME!!!!!

My home. My home with the too small house on the big (for this area at least) plot of land. Of course, most of the land now looks like a jungle because the yard hasn't been mowed since last year. However, the dogs are in heaven spending hours roaming the yard, familiarizing themselves with the land that they had been away from for so long. There is also a pile of dirt in the driveway waiting for landscapers to come and spread about and slope to draw rain water away from the house. The dogs, however, think that the pile of dirt is just for them. Already someone is digging him or herself a cave in the side and they spend a great deal of time running up and down the pile and getting their feet all muddy.

And then the two of them go and sit on the front porch, something I swear they never knew existed till we moved back, catch their breath and set off on another adventure.

We now have a usable front door with a window the length of the door which the dogs think is just the best and most times they go out one door to then come in a different door AND their doggy door hasn't been installed yet and when it is, I swear those dogs will be in and out a hundred times a day. Kali hasn't stopped grinning and Charlie will sit for hours on the porch simply because he can.

I LOVE MY HOUSE!! I love my house. I love the colors the floors the cabinets the new french doors and the promise of a deck. I love the extra bathroom and the space Josh has in his two rooms in the basement. Two rooms painted bright and light and a far cry from the cave like basement he had been living in. All of that dark paneling is gone, thank god and everything is lighter.

Josh had friends over and one guy, our usual Wednesday night visitor when we were in the rental, asked for a tour and then stood in the living room and asked me why did people just paint their interiors white or off white when they could put such COLOR into their life. Ok, I like the colors even though it reminds me of a pinata but who would think a young man would appreciate it so. Then the rest of the friends chimed in later as to how great the house looked and was I happy and how glad they were for us. I'm glad for me too!

We like the extra long windows that the county demanded be put into the bedrooms so we can get out in case of a ....shhh...f.i.r.e. I like the soap dispenser that is part of the kitchen sink, the small breakfast bar and the hanging lamps (to come) that was the idea of the builder and a surprise for me. I liek the space and I SWEAR I am not stuffing the house full of furniture and STUFF. My craft room is a little crowded now but once I get in my storage from Ikea All that boxed stuff will be sorted and stored.

I actually have sheets etc that match. My bedroom furniture is going to be light wood and not that dreadful dark that we had. I'b be happy with a white chest and night stand and i already have a white bookcase that I put together (tho not too well) last night. NO shades or curtains yet but shades are a priority and curtains will come when I find the perfect ones.

I have a new camera but I want stuff in a settled before I start taking pics and posting them.

Now I just have to finish emptying the rental house, then call the disaster services guys to come and take the furniture back, then hire a cleaning service to clean and mop which should be easy for them in an empty house. Serv Pro still has what they were able to save and on top of all of this the husband wants to go on VACATION for a week to the beach leaving the 15th. Which means staying ina HOTEL something I promised myself I wouldn't do again, not after 31 days in one when this all began.

I know it will all be done, eventually but I do wish there were elves or magic folk or someone I could hire to come and empty the rest of our stuff out of the rental so I wouldn't have to go back there ever again with the stepford neighbors. I think however, the only magic folk will end up being me with my banker boxes. oh well. This too will pass.