The body of a goddess

I discovered the other day that I have the body of a goddess. Granted that this particular goddess is the Venus of Upsidoodle, or wumdeedoodle or whoopedeede... oh what the heck let me google it.

Ok the Venus of Willendorf.

Anyway there I was in my goddess body feeling all benevolent and goddessy when the narrator of the show started using terms like grotesque and a human body never looks like this particular venus. Still it is a goddess and so I have the body of a goddess and the maturity of a three year old. Guess we can't have everything.

Winged thing

Bird on the windowsill at the office again today, so on that theme here is my owl paper doll.


If I can manage to add an image and not screw it up too badly.

Hootchie and the Ghinese Buffet

I don't know what it is that made me notice her first. I think it was the man's straw fedora stuck to the back of her head, and I do mean stuck for the hat was actually vertical to the ground and i doubt that there was a force of nature at work. As she was being led to a table the world got a look at her shorts cut up to her cootchie and her unfettered breasts that dipped and swayed and jiggled and bounced but what had to be the topper was the black rubber RAIN BOOTS she wore with the outfit.

See Hootchie and her cootchie skimming shorts once was enough but I swear for the first fiftenn minutes of so the woman never put her butt in the chair as she strode back and forth from table to buffet and back again as the shorts rode higher and the 'girls' jiggled and wiggled and the boots made those sucking rain boot sounds that they are known to make. Back and forth and forth and back while the husband and I were on Hootchie alert and laughing so hard we nearly shot soup out of our noses.

You see, Hootchie thought she was all of that and a bucket of shrimp as she strode about oblivious to the startled look and head shaking that accompanied her and her slubbery boots. She threw her shoulders back that sent the 'girls' into a frenzy and those shorts to creep up even more. Personally I have never seen denim shorts turn themselves into a thong while being worn and I wish I could go to my grave still never seeing a sight. But it was those boots that did me in. Rain boots, inside, worn as fashion.

And I thought I was fashion challenged. At least my cootchie does not play peek a boo and my hats are worn on top of my head and my rain boots are bright pink iwth paisley designs.

Sideways thought. I once dressed up as a fshion disaster for Halloween at the library and nobody noticed. Make what you want from that. I even made earrings out of those plastic monkeys in that barrel games and wore wildly patterned leggins along with the rest of the outfit and people took it for normal. Still Hootchie Cootchi had me beat.

scritch scritch

So there I sit at my work desk, being quiet and getting work done and for once the husband is quiet too and I hear a scritch scritch kind of sound. I look about, at first thinking this whole winged thing is starting up again and doesn't a bird at the window means something dire? No bird. So then I'm thinking maybe my chair is brushing against the trash can and rustling the bag in the can. So I move the can, twice and still scritch scritch. All the while the husband says he hears nothing. But thee's that scritch scritch. So I tell the 'voices' if they are making that sound they better stop or I'll sic Rocco on them. Yes, I do talk to thin air. The voices don't answer and the scrtch scritch sounds again. Then, as I'm questioning my sanity I turn around once more and see the rim of the paper bag in the husband's trash can moving, undulating actually and as i look closer I see a small hand....


AH HA! We have captured the peanut butter cup mouse thief and he, she is in the trash can. Since the husband just PUT a bag IN the can I wonder how he missed seeing the mouse but the husband is not the most observant soul in the world.

Anyway, Mr or Ms Mouse and i head for downstairs where I let him out, outside, where a mouse can run free.

You didn't think I'd kill it do you.

In fact, the husband was talking about where was the best place for a mouse trap to be where I wouldn't see it in the morning and I said a silent prayer that is wouldn't come to that. Ah ha! Now we don't have to kill the blighter.

I'm ignoring the whole fact of when you see one mouse there are probably more. Let me live with my illusion please>

Afterthought

Michael is going to court on Thursday. This is because the window smashing knucklehead is dragging his butt into court because Michael would only pay what the guy quoted and not the bill the guy presented. I went through all of this in another post. ANYHOW... Michael talked to his property manager about this. Seems the PM is familiar with the judge who will rip knucklehead a new one. Not only is knucklehead NOT licensed, he claims to be on his website (yes we printed out a copy of that page)but he has lost his "doing business" name AND doing home repairs without a license is a criminal offense. AND the judge will probably make the knucklehead pay back what Michael already paid him for the work he did. We don't necessarily want the money back, it was what the guy quoted him and the guy did do the work.

I hope this doesn't start the whole window smashing crap again.

He has a trial date for a really serious matter... felony in fact, so I'm hoping the trial will follow this pay me the money case, close enough that he won't drive the hour and a half to smash windows again.

Younever know WHAT a knucklehead will do.

A sight to see

An Oddz Bodkinz sight this morning.

Big manly men, in tattoos and hardhats, working with jackhammers and reels of cable, big burly manly men with a pretty flowered umbrella overhead to keep the sun off their heads. What? They didn't ave one with stripes?

Stuff, stuff and more stuff

Winged things are driving me crazy! There have been dragon flies, 3 in fact in 3 totally separate places. Butterflies where there wasn't butterflies even when I planted plants that were supposed to draw them. One bird sitting in the middle of a shouse plant at Home Depot... a bird, may I add that just sat there looking at me. Then the bird tap tapping on the office window. Happened once, never again. ANother dragonfly and this evening these weird pink bugs flitting around the plants on y desk in the crap room.

Oooh whoop de doodle you may say. Pink bugs? Excuse me, have you ever heard of ah hem lady bugs.

These bugs ain't no lady. They are small and so flourescently pink that you would have thought I chased after your common variety gnat and painted it pink. That kind of pink, ust sipping about except when it hovers in front of my face. I think something somewhere is trying to tell me something if only I knew what!

Would it be so hard for one of these winged things to drop me a note and give me a clue? I see the signs, I just don't understand them.

So I have done what any Oddz Bodkinz would do and am going along with the winged flow. I've been making owls out of polymer clay. Not real owlish looking owls, unless owls are now chartreuse and yellow or shades of blue and, occasinally wear a top hat tilted to one side. I have a whole flock of the just sitting around waitng for something.

Last Friday I was in Michaels and discovered that in the 10 for $10 shalves that Michaels is now offering small bird cages in a variety of colors. So I was sorting through them wondering if I wanted just one or, even more sensible, one of each color when a woman asked what was I going to do with the cages, I mumbled something about owls and the next thing I know, she gives e her card and tells me to stop by her office because she wants to buy some of my owls. Huh? What? She hadn't even seen them! I may have to corrall one of the men to have him help me with photos of the owls which I will then EMAIL to her instead of just showing up at her office with a box of owls.

Then there's that whold pricing thing...sigh... seems like a lot of work.

On another note. Casey's on again, off again, on again home buying is on again. If something is this hard, maybe it isn't meant to be.

And now gossip. Voodoo woman who used to work for the husband... see the me and the men blog... has surfaced again. And then I made a mistake and we may never be rid of her. When we last left her she had been thrown out of a homeless shelter and had a boyfriend that she met IN the shelter and they were living together. The latest is that they are homeless again and living in her car, that has no insurance and that the rep men are looking for. The boyfriend won't apply for unemployment because he is too proud so they live on $100 a week... in a car. So what do I do? I suggest that instead of sending our donation to Feed the Children or Animal Rescue, we give it to evil voo doo woman so she and the proud boyfriend can get a roo for the night. That why they could shower and sleep in a bed.

The husband liked the idea and Sunday drove the money over to them for the hotel AND took them out to dinner at a chinese buffet. HUsband was under strict orders to keep quiet about the fact that this was my idea.

Someone should smack me upside the head. She called husband today to tell him that the cops took her license plates and she needs money to get the car towed to.... where I do not know. Over the past couple of years she has 'borrowed'in excess of $2,500.00. Money we could have used to pay our own mortgage. So now the blood sucking is starting again because I was a fool and felt sorry for her. After all I do have her job... tho I am much better at it than she ever was

I must admit that she was right about one thing. That there are ghosts in the office. Not that I've seen anything, mind you. I've only heard voices, and yes, I am on my meds. I actually have a reliable source who takes no meds... Rocco the Wonder Dog (you can skip this part if you know about it) Seems I had to go back to the office one night for something and decided since Rocco loves going anywhere in the car, even if it is around the block, that I would take him with me. He did fine going in, climbing three flights of stairs but I couldn't get him settled in the office while I did what I had to do. Then it was time to come home but he refused, absolutely, positively refused to even get NEAR the top of the steps. (we have steps at home so he knows steps) I pulled, I pushed, I begged, I yelled, I yanked, I shoved, I swore, I grunted but he flat out refused to budge. For a while there I though he had put down roots and would NEVER move. So I did what any sensible person would do and called Josh. Ta ta ta ta ta TAH! Josh got into the other car and came into the office, climbed the stairs and through the Magic that is Josh's alone, somehow managed to coax Rocco down the stairs.

Now, to show just how Oddz Bokinz we all are, as he and Rocco reached the bottom floor, Josh blithely told me that Rocco didn't like the thing at the top of the stairs but he did pass it and made his way down the steps, hugging the wall as tightly as he could and staying away from the thing at the top of the stairs. I've only heard what I call the voices while the husband tells me I'm imagining things. I don't think that dogs have imaginations.

Needless to say, Rocco won't be going into the office with me any time soon. And to think, I had been planning on teaching him data entry even tho he has no thumbs.

As for me, I bought one of those magnetic bracelet things that are supposed to center you so you don't tip over. I tend to tip quite a bit, gravity don't you know. The bane of my existance. So I was wearing it ($1 on ebay) and decided that it wasn't doing anything an took it off. It could be just a co-incidence but I took it off Saturday night, was barely able to make it out of bed Sunday day and when I did get out of bed I was up for about three hours before I climbed back into bed and slept 19 hours straight and when I woke I was lightheaded and dizzy and tipped over a lot. So I put the bracelet back on and feel better. So maybe the bracelet does work or, just maybe, gravity is on vacation.

And I should be abed. NIte!

Oh and I fixed the weird title in Hindi thing though I have no idea how it got to be hindi. Winged things> Of maybe it was gravity. Yep liets blame it on gravity.