Winding down

I haven't felt well in some time.  Not one thing I could put my finger on but more of a lethargy and a disinterest in what it going on around me.

The puppy seems to be the only thing anchoring me.  He makes me laugh, when I don't laugh at anything.  His exuberance is refreshing and his sheer delight in the silliest of things warms my heart. 

I try to post happy things on Facebook, but it's forcing myself and I'm so tired of forcing myself.

We are supposed to be going on a mini vacation to Southern Maryland and I do not want to go.  It was originally to Wildwood NJ but that enticed me even less.  I thought this southern Maryland thing would be a good idea because MIchael likes water and light houses and there are both.  I don't have a bathing suit and do not intend on buying one.  truthfully I'd just like to sleep the days away instead of forcing myself to pretned that I am interested in whatever. 

NOw I have a secret that I want to get out but it's a weird secret and I can't burden anyone with it.  But it has to be said.  I have to say it and put it out into the universe.  It has to do with a pendulum and when I die.  Not pass on, pass away, expire but DIE.  Let's just say I will be lucky to see Halloween.  See why I don't tell it to anyone personally.  First they'd think I was a crack pot and then they'd think they'd have to tell me that I couldn't count on something like that and then they would feel that they would have to tell me that they would miss me.  I shouldn't be morbid.  I shouldn't wish it.  Yammer yammer.  with it here and if it happens (if it doesn't I am going to be seriously pissed because I"ve been holding off getting teeth) I want it known that it was predicted.

Yes I suffer from depression.  No I'm not depressed.  I am just so weary of everything and want to be over that rainbow bridge where I will wait, with my gone before furchildren waiting for these young canine furbabies. 

So that's that.  I'd like to say that it's been fun but it hasn't.  I really am ready.

Oh and I will take nothing into my own hands.  I couldn't do that to  my left behinds. And, even more so, I promised them I wouldn't.  I always keep my promises.