Trying not to...

run screaming into the night.

Warning: This won't be light and frivolous. It will be pissing and moaning, however.

I am trying my best to hold onto my sanity. Sometimes I think that insanity is the way to go. Insanity to the point where you live in your own little world and the real world never intrudes.

Thanks to whomever put a freeze on foreclosure auctions our business is nearing collapse. We are getting NO new clients, there are still some foreclosures being filed but hardly any. No clients mean no new money and Christmas is coming. I thought we were going to have Christmas money this year but now, who knows. For once, I actually had a list of things that I wanted for Christmas which is a change from other years. Of course in past years there is no reason to make up a list if there is no Christmas.There really are no words to describe nothing on Christmas morning.

So why am I sharing my dirty laundry here, on a blog that anyone could read? It's simple. I have no one to talk to. No one at all. Yes I am married but the man doesn't listen. When i try to get his attention at work I get a dirty look, he throws down his pen, makes a show of turning to face me and barks "WHAT?". Well then, the words stick in my throat, that is if they even escape my whirling brain and I stutter and stammer and try so heard to get it all out before he finishes the sentence for me. The only problem with that is he never finishes it correctly and then I need to struggle with telling him all that I wanted to tell in the first place and by now, his toe is tapping and his face wears that "Oh god give me patience" look. So I only talk when it is absolutely necessary while he talks all day long. Every thought that passes through is head is voiced aloud while I remain gagged.

He's finally broken me. I had put up a good fight for some time but now I'm too weary to fight any longer.

I usually can find something funny in any situation, my bank robbery story, my childbirth tale and the rampaging pig can be hysterical. I've also lost my ability to find funny and I miss it. Instead I'm sad and scared.

What a pitiful lump I am. I think I shall fold mu tent now and steal quietly away.