Blue Bodkinxz

So now we lost our new puppy to parvo. I want to scream. I want to bang my head against the wall until my brains rattle. I want to run away from home but have no destination in mind. I suppose I could live under the nearby bridge. I would be close to running water but fear I have too many craft supplies to take with me and I don't know if I can baker polymer clay over a campfire.

There was a lot more going on and around when Patty was dying that I have not told anyone. Ok, I told one person via email because she has promised that if I whine too much she will simply delete the message. All I know is I became disillusioned and now know who is what. It's bad enough that I'm depressed but so is Charlie and oldest son. We didn't have Patty long but I fell in love with her the moment she was put into my arms. As if a dead puppy wasn't bad enough the head of the rescue group left a message on my cell phone insinuating that I fell down because I didn't take Patty to the vet when I was supposed to. I supposedly told the foster mother that if Patty's symptoms got worse, I'd take her right to the vet. What symptoms? Anyhow I responded but her email bounced and I will NOT talk to her because I do not need to defend myself. She's the one that adopted out two sick puppies to me.

I am done. Well and truly done and so broken not even Charlie can mend me totally though, bless his furry heart, he does try. I've made a vet appointment for him tomorrow just to have him checked out. I also want them to see what a bruiser he is becoming because when I left with Patty when she was diagnosed, I wasn;t the only one crying and Charlie, if he does nothing else, manages to cheer people up.

And now for a secret. As soon as we get bills paid and money saved, I may walk out on this marriage because I am done. I have had enough and want no more. It may never happen, of course, we have never had money save dup because of a certain someone who could not hold a job and whose ego far surpasses the size of the world and who goes out of his way to make me smaller and smaller each day.

I am n ot a happy camper and so I'll fold my tent and steal away for now.